Issue #014 | June 28, 2020  

THE SUNDAY CHECK-IN NEWSLETTER

This week's issue features a post about negative comments, a podcast on handling/giving feedback, Internet trolls + more.

The Power of One Negative Comment

Isn't it strange how one negative comment has the potential to ruin your whole day?

In some cases, your entire week.

In my early days as a freelance content writer, I'd pick up gigs via an online marketplace. It was a quick and easy way to find clients, although the pay wasn't the best. 

At the end of each project I'd rush to read the feedback. Had I done a good enough job? Would I get five gold stars, a glowing review and repeat business? 

For the most part, I did.

One day I'm scrolling through my client review section, lapping up the comments of satisfied buyers. I'm feeling pretty good about myself. And then, I stumble upon the second to last entry.

I drew a sharp gasp. This comment was the last thing I wanted to see. It read:

She did an OK job, but her writing style isn't professional enough for my audience.

I slumped back in my chair, and sank my head into my hands. In that moment, that single negative comment crushed me. I wasn't a good enough writer. I was an incompetent. A fraudster. An impostor. The warm glow of the positive reviews I'd read seconds earlier were now meaningless sprinkles of vapour. 

This one comment stuck out like a sore thumb. Potential clients would see it and not pick me for their projects (or so I thought at the time). 

Needless to say my confidence took a 200-foot dive that day, and didn't resurface for a good few days after that.

I didn't get any further assignments from that client, no surprises there. We weren't a good fit. But why did I get so bent out of shape over her comment? 

And why had I cancelled out the other, more positive reviews I'd received? 

Ignoring the 99% good, to focus on the 1% bad. That makes no sense. 

Or does it?

My Negativity Bias Was Showing

It shows in all of us.

It's our natural tendency to invest more time, energy and attention to negative life events and circumstances, over positive ones. That's to say, psychologically we're wired to focus on negativity. 

I know, as a glass-half-full optimist, this realisation doesn't sit well with me either. But research shows that humans, even infants as young as 3 months old focus for longer on negative stimuli, than positive.

Our worst case scenarios linger with greater intensity than cheery outcomes, as seen in everyday life.

Think about it. We dwell on accidents, errors, and financial losses, more than we dwell on the good times. 

We experience the pain of losing a client far longer than the joy of winning a new one. We find it easier to relate to someone having a bad day, than someone having a good day. We learn more from our mistakes, than our successes.

This bias towards negativity is why an author can publish a New York Times bestseller, receive 500+ awesome reviews, yet fixate on the 10 or so reviewers who left negative comments.

And why a talented designer with an outstanding portfolio feels dreadful when a client tells them the final design (the one they've poured hours into), just isn't cutting it.

In both cases, we forget about all the good stuff we've achieved, and focus on the one tiny speck of negativity.

We're quick to spot the negative, but slow to focus on the good.

Why Do We Lean Towards the Negative?

Let's jump back a few million years or so.

You wake up on a Sunday morning, stretch, then look over at your spear. You won't be needing that this morning, you say to yourself. It looks like it's going to be a great day.

So you grab your cloak and off you pop down to the Savannah to rustle up some berries for breakfast. On your travels you spot a mountain lion sitting peacefully on top of a rock. The lion looks magnificent, with it's golden shiny fur and regal poise.

You assume the 'friendly' lion has already eaten, and is therefore not a threat. The lion takes one look at you, and sees it's first meal of the day.

Our ancestors lived in savage times. 

They needed to develop wits of steel if they were ever to survive predators with big teeth or poisonous venom. So, 99% of the time, they ran around viewing everything as a potential menace.

Skipping along with rose-tinted glasses in those days could get one's ass killed.

We don't have the same dangers today, obviously, but we've kept the same instincts. We err on the side of negativity because that's what keeps us (read: our egos) safe.

Next week, I'll share some tips on how to handle negative comments, including my three-tier system for deciding what to listen to (and what to ignore). Plus a tool you can use when you need an instant pick me up.

Mena x

Fuel for the Mind

1. How to Be More Conscious When Giving Feedback

Not all feedback is created equal.

In this episode Jocelyn talks about the time she received an unsolicited critique from a somewhat passive-aggressive listener (my words, not hers), and how she handles giving and receiving feedback in general.

Listen here >> Hurry Slowly Podcast (Jocelyn K. Glei)

2. Creative/Recognition

Wisdom from Seth Godin - "Creation plus persistence can lead to recognition. But creation without recognition is still a worthwhile endeavor." 

Read here >> Seth's Blog

3. Why People Become Internet Trolls

Some people get a kick out of spewing negativity online. But why?

This article offers an explanation (because if we can understand them, we can handle them better), as well as tips on how to manage our own inner troll.

Read here >> Dr Adam Bell

This Week's Cool Find

Creative Live: This is one of my go-to places for learning new creative skills. 

They offer a whole host of live-streamed classes from writing, to photography, to audio and more - both paid, as well as free. There's one catch with the free classes. You need to catch them live, and sometimes the time zones don't work. 

Still, it's a good place to go if you're looking to brush up on your creative skills.

Find out more here >> CreativeLive