Issue #015 | Jul 5, 2020  

THE SUNDAY CHECK-IN NEWSLETTER

In this week's issue: dealing with negative criticism, a printable 'praise file', how to become an idea machine + more.

Turn That Frown Upside Down

The brighter you shine, the more you'll attract those who want to dim your light. 

You'll draw in supporters by the dozen, and a few haters too.

Criticism can come from either of those camps, but negative feedback isn't always a bad thing. The trick is distinguishing the constructive from the hurtful. 

Is what they're saying for the good, or for the demise? 

Are the words uttered justifiable, or just the loose lipped shenanigans of a little weasel out to cause grief?

Not always easy to tell, as a 'well meaning' comment from someone online can smack of judgement and bad intent. Because...

When we get the sort of comments that form as tight knots in our stomachs, it's hard not to react. In that moment you want to say something bold and vengeful. 

But, if you can, take a pause and a breath. Several deep, long breaths. Responding to haters rarely plays out the way you want it to.

Save yourself the bother, and ask: 

Is this comment worthy of my time and energy?

My Three-Tier System for Assessing Criticism

Not all criticism is created equal, so when deciding what or who I pay attention to, I assess each instance like this:

The first tier: Is the remark coming from someone who wants to see you succeed? Is this person interested in the work you're doing? Do they point out genuine areas for improvement? Can you see how implementing the suggested change will benefit your product/audience/performance?

Worth paying attention to these people. Allow them to school you, as long as what they're suggesting has mass benefit.

The second tier: Is the commenter projecting their mistakes onto you? What part can you claim responsibility for?

In the case of that client (the one I told you about in last week's newsletter) who criticised my writing style for not being *ahem* 'professional enough', we both made mistakes.

A mistake on her part: for hiring me based on my profile and writing samples. My conversational tone and style was evident from the get-go. If she'd wanted a grammarian, to write stuffy 'professional sounding' articles void of everyday-speak, I wasn't her person. I'm an everyday-speak type of writer.

A mistake on my part: Not reiterating my reluctance to write stuffy 'professional sounding' articles. Clearly there was a failure in our communication and disconnect of values. I hadn't picked up on it, and for that reason I take full responsibility. 

Lesson learned.

The bottom of the barrel tier: Is the person responding in a way that discredits you or your accomplishments? Does this person always seem to have something or someone to complain about? What have they created and put out into the world lately? Nothing? Oh OK...

Most definitely a hater. Allow them to jog on (British slang for f*ck off).

As Theodore Roosevelt puts it:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly."

If they're not in the arena with you. Pouring their heart and soul into something they've created, yet criticise you for no reason but to belittle your attempts... witness their assholery, but don't allow it to suck you down to their depth.

No one likes negative feedback, no matter how well-meaning it is. Someone pointing out your flaws is going to cause pain, even if fleeting. 

For a moment you may question what it is you're even trying to do. Is it all worth it? Are you good enough?

And yes, it's tempting to sack off the rest of your day, grab a Ben & Jerry's, and binge-watch old episodes of Orphan Black.

But there's a better way to navigate the negative moments. 

It's called a praise file.

What's a Praise File? Why Would You Want One?

A praise file is a little burst of positivity on tap. The anti pity party. 

The place where you keep track of the small and big wins you've experienced. Like that time you got a heartfelt thank you from someone. 

Or that day a client recommended you to three of their friends. Or the time you pushed yourself through a challenging goal or project. 

Or that... you get the picture.

Tim Ferris calls this the Jar of Awesome, but the reasoning behind this act of self-praise comes from the psychological concept of savouring.

Savouring is a tool that flips negativity bias on it's head. Instead of wallowing in upset, you wallow in joy, and appreciation for all the good things that happened throughout the day. 

It sounds self-indulgent, and it is. But it's the kind of self-indulgence you need when you're having a crappy moment. 

Give it a try. The next time something good happens write it in a notebook, or on your PC. 

Write about positive exchanges you've had with friends, family or clients; compliments you've received; achievements, whether personal or professional. Write that all down. No matter how insignificant you might think it may be.

Here's an example of what this could look like:


There'll always be someone out there who doesn't like your work. That's OK, what you're doing wasn't meant for them. 

Not that knowing that makes things easier. But the options are to (a) allow someone's negative comment to kick the crap out of you for days, or (b) remind yourself that you're awesome. And that someone, somewhere, thinks the same way too.

Build your reserve of the latter, and indulge in self-praise often. 

Consider it a simple act of self-care.

I've made a little praise file printable for you. You can download it here.

Mena x

Tips & Tools from the Web

How to Become an Idea Machine:

In this article James offers 9 and a half-ish (one of them is a bit of a cheat) answers to this question: "How do you know when you’re thinking too big or aiming too high?" 

Read here >> James Altucher

Four Ways to Protect Your Creative Brain:

You've heard the saying 'garbage in, garbage out'. But how often do you track what you're exposing your brain to? This article suggests four things you can do to keep your creative mind as sharp as a button. 

Read here >> diyMFA

Creative Writing Templates for Novelists:

Are you an Evernote user? Maybe you should be, considering they offer a bunch of free planning tools (worksheets, trackers, outlines, checklists) that'll make writing your next book that little bit easier. Useful all year round, not just when NaNoWriMo rolls around. 

Grab them here >> Evernote Writing Templates